I wrote this just over a year ago…
So, in Feb 2019, I stopped working out. I took a week off and justified it as such. I was burnt out. It was a crash and burn. Plain and simple. Running a business, coaching Crossfit, teaching, mentoring other PTs and students, family, relationships, marriage, fitness, self… I was done. And then that week off turned into a few weeks off and then really only sporadic workouts here and there…
with a certain friend…
when it worked out …
when it looked fun...
when it was in my wheelhouse…
then …
I proceeded to write this blog post about why I wasn’t going to do the CrossFit Open in 2019. I gave myself that permission. And I haven’t written a blog post for Arrow Physical Therapy since. Until this week.
and now … in November of 2020:
The world is 9 months into the COVID-19 pandemic, President Trump still won’t concede the election, I have been on antidepressants for over a year, I have hired and laid off a physical therapist, I have grown my sister business, Full Draw Consulting and brought on Dr. Kate Blankshain of Rally Physical Therapy and I have exhausted myself to no end.
Yesterday, I felt inspired to share something. I shared this post on Instagram. As I was writing it, I realized I had a lot to say on this topic:
WHY IT’S OK TO TAKE A BREAK:
It’s ok because it just is! I mean there are lots of health benefits too but, also… its just okayyyy! 2020 has been a lot of H A R D and its ok!! As I wrote on Instagram: “it’s ok to rest and take time off. I’ve been so depressed and unmotivated, my mind terribly preoccupied, since March... I honestly barely worked out. I just didn’t care- I lost muscle, lost energy, and lost strength. I was so sad when the second gym closure came in Seattle because I had JUST returned to a routine. But ... it’s ok. I’m ok and it will be ok again!”
So after I posted that, I decided to read that blog post from last year and figure out what I could say differently since my emotions actually feel really similar:
This has been the reality of 2019 for me. And though on the outside it looks like I have my shit together, I do not, in fact, have any shit together. And its real. And its hard. And its scary. And its defeating. And its exhausting. And its lonely. I sometimes have what I call an out of body experience and watch myself, wondering if I am the ONLY person who feels this way. Overwhelmed, misunderstood, not good enough …
At least we get to wear these cute Athleta masks, right?
So much counseling. So much vitamin D. So much conversation with myself and friends. So much time on the couch. So much Netflix. So much wine. So much self-disgust. Ugh - it feels enormous and permanent when you’re in it. Is it my personality? Is it because I am sensitive? Because I’m a woman? My upbringing? My community? All of it? Sadly, it feels worse when everyone is saying you’re going to feel better if you just work out.
did I say 2019? this sounds like 2020!
We could get into alllll the things that happened in 2020 and why a rest was forced due to gym closures, why exercise would have made me feel better and why I don’t need to exercise because I am naturally lean. But, not today … maybe for my second blog piece before the end of the year! For now, I’d like to say, its ok to take a break from exercise because it is okay to take a break!
No justification needed.