I wrote this just over a year ago…
So, in Feb 2019, I stopped working out. I took a week off and justified it as such. I was burnt out. It was a crash and burn. Plain and simple. Running a business, coaching Crossfit, teaching, mentoring other PTs and students, family, relationships, marriage, fitness, self… I was done. And then that week off turned into a few weeks off and then really only sporadic workouts here and there…
with a certain friend…
when it worked out …
when it looked fun...
when it was in my wheelhouse…
then …
I proceeded to write this blog post about why I wasn’t going to do the CrossFit Open in 2019. I gave myself that permission. And I haven’t written a blog post for Arrow Physical Therapy since. Until this week.
and now … in November of 2020:
The world is 9 months into the COVID-19 pandemic, President Trump still won’t concede the election, I have been on antidepressants for over a year, I have hired and laid off a physical therapist, I have grown my sister business, Full Draw Consulting and brought on Dr. Kate Blankshain of Rally Physical Therapy and I have exhausted myself to no end.
Yesterday, I felt inspired to share something. I shared this post on Instagram. As I was writing it, I realized I had a lot to say on this topic:
WHY IT’S OK TO TAKE A BREAK:
It’s ok because it just is! I mean there are lots of health benefits too but, also… its just okayyyy! 2020 has been a lot of H A R D and its ok!! As I wrote on Instagram: “it’s ok to rest and take time off. I’ve been so depressed and unmotivated, my mind terribly preoccupied, since March... I honestly barely worked out. I just didn’t care- I lost muscle, lost energy, and lost strength. I was so sad when the second gym closure came in Seattle because I had JUST returned to a routine. But ... it’s ok. I’m ok and it will be ok again!”
So after I posted that, I decided to read that blog post from last year and figure out what I could say differently since my emotions actually feel really similar:
This has been the reality of 2019 for me. And though on the outside it looks like I have my shit together, I do not, in fact, have any shit together. And its real. And its hard. And its scary. And its defeating. And its exhausting. And its lonely. I sometimes have what I call an out of body experience and watch myself, wondering if I am the ONLY person who feels this way. Overwhelmed, misunderstood, not good enough …
So much counseling. So much vitamin D. So much conversation with myself and friends. So much time on the couch. So much Netflix. So much wine. So much self-disgust. Ugh - it feels enormous and permanent when you’re in it. Is it my personality? Is it because I am sensitive? Because I’m a woman? My upbringing? My community? All of it? Sadly, it feels worse when everyone is saying you’re going to feel better if you just work out.
did I say 2019? this sounds like 2020!
We could get into alllll the things that happened in 2020 and why a rest was forced due to gym closures, why exercise would have made me feel better and why I don’t need to exercise because I am naturally lean. But, not today … maybe for my second blog piece before the end of the year! For now, I’d like to say, its ok to take a break from exercise because it is okay to take a break!
No justification needed.